These last weeks, the media has paid a lot of attention to loneliness.
I have a visceral reaction to these discussions. You see, my Mom would (sometimes dramatically) say to me:
"You are all alone!"
Yes, I was divorced. Yes, I lived alone. Yes, my three siblings had partners. Yes, I was on my own. But, I never saw myself as "all alone!"
And to be honest, I don't think that I have ever been "lonely!"
As the oldest of 4, there were always people around in my family. I was never given the opportunity to be alone or feel "lonely!" In fact, I had the opposite problem. Finding alone time and privacy were impossible. My boyfriend was encouraging me to meditate. I couldn't even find 15 minutes of time on my own without interruptions.
I lived at home the 4 years I went to UMSL. When I moved to New Orleans to go to Graduate School in 1976, I decided that I was going to practice being alone. I had my own apartment for the first time in my life. I loved it. I may have done too well. My "practicing" became my way of life.
I am not "alone" in a crowd. I don't feel "alone" or "isolated" living in a rural setting as I do now. I am able to seek people out if I need to. I am able to enjoy my own company.
Of course, everyone has opinions and observations about me and my life.
On one of my trips to Tour de Faure, I took a shot of a wine glass sitting on the wall of my friends' terrace.
I did a whole series of photos on that early trip.
The brother of a friend of mine loved that particular photo.
He said: "You must really enjoy your own company. I could never do something like that."
I remember thinking how sad I would be if I didn't enjoy being with myself.
As I was making decisions about buying the Chatette in Cadrieu, a friend observed: "You are such a social person, how are you going to survive in a village of 135 people?" I remember saying: "I can have as much or little of people as I want."
We know how well that has worked out!
Most of the media attention to loneliness focused on some recent studies being done related to mental health. Of course, there is the myriad of social issues we are all facing as a country and in the world.
I would posit that none of this is about "loneliness" per se, but about a collective community grief that has its grip on all of us in different ways.
Ah, but that could be a topic for another post.