Pretty soon Sammie Cat and I will be savoring this view as we make the turn around the bend from the bus stop! We will be home. She and I were snuggled under that orange comforter on the sofa the other morning and I told her: "Sweetie, we're going home." I closed my eyes, and there was Mom.I actually said outloud:
"Mom, I'm going home."
Ever since our stateside return in 2012, I found myself often saying I just want to go home. Interestingly, Mom had a similar refrain. I used to tease her that we both sounded like broken records: "I want to go home." For me, it was getting us back to Cadrieu. For Mom, we thought it was about being unhappy in assisted living and wanting to go back to 411.
While I'm sure it was some of that, what we've learned over time is that "going home" is a familiar refrain for our elders who are living with dementia. Although it might be a place, it's really about going home to the way things used to be...reconnecting with the old self-our ultimate home!
It's a loss that is difficult to fathom.
Looking back, I may have been too hard on Mom. She'd often tell me: "Just go home, Laury." She knew how much I loved being at the Chatette. I'd always have to say "I can't, Mom." We'd talk about it together and always come back to the same thing...WE can't. I always felt that I'd accepted it for now, but she couldn't. Mom was very good at: letting us know how she felt; trying to get there; asking, and, even making some plans. I wish I could have just listened more, and not always felt that there was something I needed to do or persuade her from.
Mom listened. Mom is happy.
I'm going home.
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