Soar-Dream-France

Me and Thomas Wolfe

 

Back when Dali, Sammie Cat and I came here to clear our heads after Hurricane Katrina so I could make some difficult decisions; I read Thomas Wolfe's "Look Homeward Angel" for the very first time. The meaning of "home" had escaped me living in my flood ravaged house on Columbus Street.

 

 

 

 

 

My Dad said:

"Go to France, Laury."

 

We did.

 

I still struggled with home.

By Christmas of 2006 the decision had been made.

I was in France. Columbus Street was being repaired so I could rent it out and be able to live here in Cadrieu with my Dali Dog and Sammie Cat.

Of course, it wasn't that easy.

As I was reading Thomas Wolfe, he spoke to me.

Fogs cleared. I didn't struggle so much.

 

 

But when I did, I'd found something wonderful that helped me. I won't make you look for it yourself. I'll put Wolfe's last page, last paragraph, right here for you:

 

--Yet, as he stood for the last time by the angels of his father's porch, it seemed as if the Square already were far and lost; or I should say, he was like a man who stands upon a hill above the town he has left, yet does not say "The town is near," but turns his eyes upon the distant soaring ranges.--

THE END

 

When I did struggle, I'd often picture myself upon a high place above a place I'd just left; holding Thomas Wolfe's hand.

Visualizing was usually enough.

But when it wasn't, I had more than enough high, beautiful places to go.

 

 

High or low, holding Thomas's hand or not; the Lot always brought me home.

 

Books, Stamps and Wine

 

 

It doesn't get much better than the arrival of some of the books and postage stamps you ordered. Both feel like presents to me, just one is much bigger than the other. It can be even more fun when your stamps match a bottle of your favorite wine! All are treats to me now that the house has sold in New Orleans.

I am not a spend thrift by any means. These guys are all a splurge for me, but I've decided that I should splurge on myself at least quarterly in this new life that has begun.

Some days I lose track. Some days, I'm a whirlwind of activity.

 

 

Most days I'm learning to live into the questions, days, and my new life in general. Some of it involves giving myself permission to do just that! Routine, regiments, and plans have been a huge part of that first book.

I can tell already that Book Two-Or my Whole New Life are going to be different.

 

Eight of the thirteen books I ordered arrived yesterday. Looking at them more closely this morning, I realized they fell into three categories: personal improvement/awareness; novels that spoke to me; and pressing issues/current events.

 

The first two categories included some books that burned up in the fire. The last category was all brand new books that I've been wanting to read for a long time. Malcom Nance's: "They Want to Kill Americans," arrived at the end of last month and was hot off the press. It's finished and in a place of honor on my monster bookshelf.

The stamps are always fun for me. Little presents, little works of art, little reminders of history, and so much more; they always excite me. This batch the village/area of Sancerre was the wine matching favorite.

 

 

 

There's another installment of the Treasures of Notre Dame and something about fairies. I ordered this interesting French Post Card thing that I love but I'm not really sure what I'm supposed to do with it. Then there's the lure, Marcel Proust is really special. 

 

 

I am reminding myself of all the things that bring me joy and making sure that I include them in this "joyful" new life! On my way to read Eddie Glaude's book-maybe more awareness than joy!

 

Off to cultivate joy!

 

 

Happy Saturday!

 

Continuing or...?

 

When this photo popped up, I was struck by just how different things were here at the Chatette.

During the last twenty years so much has happened, to the point that I have marked this as starting a "new book" and the next twenty years.

Now, I am even rethinking that frame of here and now

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I recently finished reading three different books by the author Robert Goddard. I inherited them during Greg's move and at his recommendation.

I'd never heard of him before.

 

I regularly thank all my Brit friends here for introducing me to many British Authors I didn't know before.

 

 

Sebastian Faulks is my favorite. I may have to now add Robert Goddard to my favorites list. He spoke to me.

 

 

On Goddard book #2, "Days Without Number," I was reading along and a phrase stopped me in my tracks:

 

"Beginning seemed more possible than continuing...!"

 

I am at the "pondering" phase of what this means for me, and why it grabbed me so. Something about it made more things make more sense.

I will share these ponderings sometime soon.

 

Happy Tuesday!

 

Transformation

 

In all of the little over 20 years of here; I have always had one foot in the states and the other foot in Cadrieu. I always had trouble picking just one place to be considered "home!" 

This morning I journaled endlessly.

So much has been swirling around.

Hearing from friends is wonderful, but often evokes smiles, tears and ahas. After a few of the tear provoking and aha varieties; I realized I really am starting fresh in many ways.

 

I have my journals and I also have what I called the "Chatette Books," where I would mark milestones and friends and family would leave notes and messages.

I pretty much filled up #1. Number 2 I'd begun, but set aside after the fire in 2017 because the pages were singed and often hard, crinkly and very difficult to write on.

I ordered #3 and had some fun because it was called a "Magic Notebook."

The spells listed in the Magic Notebook were: Erase, Summon, Levitate, Silence, Light, and Transform.

 

I began # 3 a couple days after my August 2020 return when we'd just begun dealing with everything COVID.

 

 

This morning as I wrote, I wanted to be sure to note the sale of Columbus Street in Chatette Book #3. I'd forgotten about all of the available "magic," and actually found a check list at the back that you noted when your "spells" had worked. I thought about all these years and especially the last two. It dawned on me that I'd had success with each of the listed areas. All that's left is "Transform!" There we have it...Livre Deux and the next 20 years of transformation.

Happy Sunday!

 

 

Mother's Day, VE Day, and Living Life

 

This will always be a favorite shot of me and my Mom. Here we are out together playing in the rocks at Nannie and Papa's place out in House Springs. I loved that place. There's not a doubt in my mind that this was the beginning of my "rock girl" self! For some reason, I always felt safe and happy in that place.

Is it any wonder that today, I am living surrounded by stone?

A week into this "new book;" I am realizing that living into this life is most important. Sounds easy, huh? It should be, but it's not.

 

 

I've been sleeping later in these mornings. The bird surround sound and bells are still my gentle whisper that the day has begun.

Even Lola, is sleeping by the window or on our big chair later than usual. Just looking at her fills me with so much love. 

I knew it was Mother's Day and VE Day when I woke.

There's also been so much talk on the news of Putin pushing harder in Ukraine, to be able to declare victory on this date as Russia did in 1945.

The world is watching, often in horror at the comparisons. 

 

 

 

Interestingly, the book I was reading and enjoyed finishing, None Stood Taller-The Final Year: One of the greatest love stories of World War Two, By Peter Turnham, climaxed on just this day in 1945.

While I've always been interested in the resistance, living here has brought those times and those stories even closer.

I have ravenously read many books about WWII, the Resistance, the SOE, the pillaged art, Ravensbruck and other camps, and so much more.

This morning, it carried me to Mom and Dad.

Mom would have been 14 and Dad 15.

They hadn't even met yet.

 

 

 

Both had older brothers that were in the military and served during WWII. Eventually, Dad joined the Air Force, Mom went over to the UK to marry Dad in '53, and I was born there in '54.

 

Reading this book and feeling those times, carried me there and back through history to today. I confess, to having past life feelings for this time period in history, long before I began reading in depth. I've often thought it was just listening to the stories Mom and Dad and other family members shared over the years. But then again, how serendipitous was this morning? 

 

 

This is where the living into your life and paying attention becomes important. It's the richness of life that comes to you when you have the luxury of being able to live into it and enjoy more (or at all) because you are paying attention.

 

Happy Mother's Day, Victory in Europe Day, AND Happy Sunday!

 

PastBooks Fun

 

Throughout my years of blogging and also using Facebook, I have found that there are some projects that I enjoy and use. I began purchasing the Social Books upon my return to the states in 2012 as a way to hang on to my memories of Cadrieu when I had to be stateside. As time went on, I began ordering the PastBooks which I eventually fell in love with. I learned that the PastBooks were best for me because my photography became the main focus. 

 

I've come to realize that they are a nice reflection of my times and photos. I've also started doing them as "annuals," so that I have a full year in each book. They are also particularly nice during these pandemic times and with me living as far away as I do from most family and friends in the states.

Seeing everyone this go round was even more fun. As Eric pointed out to me, with so many fewer social events, you notice how much thinner they are.

 

 

 

During 2020, I expected more of the barn roof photos so making 2019 this year was a must when I realized that 2019 truly was the year of the barn roof. Even though Lola came to me in December of 2020, she didn't figure prominently for me until 2021...lots of fun all around.

 

 

All this talk about photos and years has reminded me...2022 is the 20 year anniversary of the Chatette and I becoming a "we!" Hard to believe, and so much has happened.

 

 

Happy Wednesday!

 

Remembering Rilke

 

Over the years, one of the things that I try very hard to do is to live into the questions in my life. I was inspired by a card I had received from a long time, and still very dear friend of mine, that had this quote by Rainer Maria Rilke on the front:

"Be patient to all that is unresolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves like locked rooms, like books  written in a foreign language. Do not strive to uncover the answers: they can not be given to you because you have not been able to live them. And what matters is to live everything. Live the questions for now.

 

 

Perhaps then you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer one distant day in the future."

-Rainer Maria Rilke

 

I began to use this approach in my life. It hasn't always easy for an often over-anxious worrier, but it works. 

 

 

Lately, with the pandemic and much longer periods of solitude than I'm used to; I found myself having trouble with my days.

Remembering Rilke and how well living into the questions worked; I decided to try to use a similar technique to live into my days and live into my life.

It reminds me a lot of being present, living in the now, and paying attention to the natural flow to the universe and the how and where I fit.

 

 

 

Yesterday was one of those "living into my day" days.

 

As I was getting things done and attacking stateside problems, I wanted to treat myself. My hot off the press new Sebastian Faulks book, Snow Country, had arrived.

It was a pretty day.

I deserved a break.

So, I loaded myself up with my book, something to sit on, my favorite Thiriet ice cream bar, and headed down to hang out on the river for a bit.

I noticed that our fallen tree was in the same spot and the water from the lavoir and beyond, was pulsing into the river water, making waves and beautiful concentric circles.

 

 

The landing stones for the slip were beautiful as usual, but reminded me of warmer times...times with friends in the water; screaming at speeding boaters and water skiers, picnic lunches; water aerobics in the river on the rocks with Marina; wine; algae art; and, tiny fish all over my bare feet on the algae covered stone. Ah, the amazing memories!

Yesterday, I talked to the few tiny fish who were there. My ice cream bar was harder to eat than usual. It had melted some in its wrapper while I carried it down to the river in the pocket of my dress. The moving water music and the peace of place was a balm for the craziness of these times.

 

 

I headed back up after a bit, knowing I still had insurance people to track down in New Orleans. They all make me laugh when they thank me for how patient I have been. 

 

 

I think the living into the days and life are working too!

Happy Saturday!

 

Planning Our Hearts Out

 

Yesterday, I posted a profile frame on FB around my photo that said VOTE-Have a Plan. 

As I looked at that frame, I thought it was suggesting that we needed to have a plan of action for after we VOTE in case the man who currently occupies the White House loses and refuses to leave.

I've been so focused on this possible horrendous breach of our democracy, that I lost sight of the fact that many Americans are having to go the extra mile this election and even have to have a plan to just be able to VOTE PERIOD!

We have to be planning poor fools these days. 

How quickly we forget...

 

...I had my special plan for voting too!

 

 

So, here we all are with our plans to vote, plans for the results, and plans for what may or may not happen depending on what those results may be.

In New Orleans, they've already been threatened by 6 hurricanes this season.

No wonder we're all stressed out!

So much chaos...so many unknowns...everywhere!

Living with the Corona Virus adds many layers of planning for all of us.

Just leaving the house requires extra planning and protections.

 

 

 

Now, with winter and the holiday season upon us, we're being advised to evaluate our Thanksgiving and Christmas Holidays closely as travel and family get togethers are considered. This is where the triage of priorities goes into motion. What are you willing to risk to be with family and celebrate?

For me, I''m on my own here in France, as I was in New Orleans. I am fortunate to have friends in both places, but what about the holidays for me? While Thanksgiving was always a big deal with my family, I tend to focus more on Christmas. This year, I'm already pondering and planning what I'm going to do so I can do my very best to make this a special holiday season here, in spite of all of the insanity!

I have ideas! I'm usually pretty good at making things special when I'm on my own. And besides, it's really only up to me. That doesn't mean that things can't go wrong...but I'm getting excited about all that I can do between now and the holidays to make these times special. Or, should I say, MORE special?

 

 

 

I hope you will join me on my holiday planning journey into MORE SPECIALNESS! And then after all that planning, we can curl up by the fire with a good book, some chocolate and a glass of Cahors wine!

Happy Thursday!

 

A Sun With Staying Power

 

Yesterday's sun came in and out among the clouds, but unlike the others that were merely sun seconds before the rain, this one had staying power. I was energized. The sun stayed with us into the afternoon, and left me hoping that Sunday would truly be a 'Sun"-day. But, then the rains returned. 

 

 

Sitting on the stoop, I: journaled read a little of my new book by Samantha Power-The Education of an Idealist; had some coffee and cookies; checked out just how high the river was from the road; and, shot a few shots.

 

 

You know the river is high when it is rushing from the lavoir into the canal below the road, and the river is brown and covering up the boat slip below.

 

 

 

 

 

 

It felt good just to sit in the sunshine for a while. With all that energy-I was off to chores.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Happy Sunday!

 

On My Own and Proud

 

After a couple of dry days, I'd gone to bed planning to spend my Monday morning moving wood and cutting grass.

Snuggled in and cozy in my bed Sunday night, the rain began hard on the skylight and I knew my plans were foiled.

Ah, but there is that big ladder in the utility cave.

Because it is so big it is rather unwieldy. I got it out of the cave and then evaluated my next steps.

Initially, I thought I could just lift it up and over the wall-ha-ha! No way!

Instead, I did a rest, flip, and then pull across the tracks.

 

 

 

 

I got it over with less struggle than expected, but then it needed to be angled up the hill so I could ease it into the barn over the stones.

Then I would figure out how (or if), I could get it up onto the wall as I had planned.

You can see how the ladder bows in the middle, spindles are missing, and it's the middle that is major charcoal,

This ladder has never lived in the barn before...it was always inside the Chatette.

As I mentioned yesterday, my two ladder ladies are going to be barn roommates!

 

 

 

 

I sometimes have a way of making things harder on myself. Finally, I opened the other side of the doors, et voila!

I got it hauled in and tried to measure up to see if she would fit where I'd hoped to hang her and if the iron and wooden pegs were placed strategically enough for her to hang easily.

 

 

 

 

 

She's just a little heavy, but I did manage to get her up off the stone floor and then hoist her the rest of the way up on the second end.

Even so, that bow in the middle made her look unsteady. 

I took her down and turned her around.

 

 

 

 

This hanging was much more complicated and she dropped twice as I tried to stabilize her at each end. We shall see. For now she's resting on the stone. I may try again, or I may wait for Didier's return.

 

 

I'm always proud of myself when I can do these things on my own, but I do know when it's time to ask for help. Or as Dad says: Maybe asking for help sooner is better than asking later!

 

Thanks Dad, and Happy Tuesday!