What do you do when you know you're not yourself, but you aren't really sure what you are?
I've known that I've been wandering through my life for the years since the fire.
I accepted it. I rolled with the lack of energy and immobilization at times. I didn't like it, but I knew that: losing Mom in 2016; the fire and losing Sam in 2017; BREXIT; losing Dad on New Year's Day of 2020; COVID on the heals of that loss; selling Columbus Street; and, I knew I had to roll with it all the best I could and certainly NOT beat myself up for anything I felt and did or didn't do.
Often, clarity comes for me in hindsight.
Interestingly, getting "us" empty of all the useless stuff left over from the early days in the addition, the useless stuff on the terrace and the vernissage cave, cartons, and boxes; gave me new perspective.
It isn't always easy to get things done over here. I expected to just have yet one more dumpster in my life and I would slowly get it all out. I did some research. Asked for some help. And, Christiane found me Monsieur Julien Lascout, who would do it all for me.
Turns out, he didn't need a dumpster and finished everything I'd asked for and more between 10am and 16:00.
As I prepared for yesterday last week and then saw yesterday's results; I realized how it wasn't just the memories and losses that were weighing me down, it was the stuff.
As yesterday went on, I felt like I was back.
When Julien finished, we sat out on the terrace and had a coffee together.
I told him he gave me back my life!
We are moving forward!