Soar-Dream-France

Feeling the Wandering

 

 

What do you do when you know you're not yourself, but you aren't really sure what you are?

I've known that I've been wandering through my life for the years since the fire.

 

 

I accepted it. I rolled with the lack of energy and immobilization at times. I didn't like it, but I knew that: losing Mom in 2016; the fire and losing Sam in 2017; BREXIT; losing Dad on New Year's Day of 2020; COVID on the heals of that loss; selling Columbus Street; and, I knew I had to roll with it all the best I could and certainly NOT beat myself up for anything I felt and did or didn't do.

 

 

Often, clarity comes for me in hindsight.  

Interestingly, getting "us" empty of all the useless stuff left over from the early days in the addition, the useless stuff on the terrace and the vernissage cave, cartons, and boxes; gave me new perspective.

 

 

 

It isn't always easy to get things done over here. I expected to just have yet one more dumpster in my life and I would slowly get it all out. I did some research. Asked for some help. And, Christiane found me Monsieur Julien Lascout, who would do it all for me.

Turns out, he didn't need a dumpster and finished everything I'd asked for and more between 10am and 16:00.

 

As I prepared for yesterday last week and then saw yesterday's results; I realized how it wasn't just the memories and losses that were weighing me down, it was the stuff.

 

 

As yesterday went on, I felt like I was back.

When Julien finished, we sat out on the terrace and had a coffee together.

I told him he gave me back my life!

 

 

 

We are moving forward!

 

Resurrecting Memories

 

Early days of here sometimes feel like another lifetime ago for me. I'm so grateful I write in many forms, and that either I, or others, hang on to much of what I've written over the years. Interestingly, we have done a very good job of safeguarding our story of here in ways that easily bring it back to life for me.

With the warmer temps and days of more sunshine, I find myself out on the property. Sometimes I have particular jobs in mind.

 

 

Others, I just wander around in my overalls and work gloves with my pruner(s) in my hand. (And yes, Dad...sometimes I even have a hammer in the hammer pocket of my overalls.) 

 

Last week, I was out at the point with the new manual lawnmower. I inspected the work on the tracks down there. I usually cut past the opening in the wall in the photo above.

As I sat there, I remembered a night on the point when I sat right there drinking Pastis and looking at my beautiful place with the lights on. I wrote to Mom and Dad about it. I have an excerpt for you here:

 

 

There's nothing like sitting out in the dark at the break in the train wall, basking in the lighted glow of the house, while you nibble on swiss cheese and salami and wash it down with pastis!

It's fun when I find my memories are even more detailed and fun than what I might have written!

 

Close Enough to Touch

 

As the new Voie Verte is becoming a reality; I'm realizing that I am grieving the train all over again. It hadn't really hit me until I heard that the tracks will defintely be raised to lay the new path.

It got me thinking and looking back at photos, journals and old letters. This one is particularly fun, and I'd like to share it with you...

 

                                                                                                                                                Mardi, le 27 aout 2002, 8pm

Bonsoir Mom and Dad-

     Well, today's the day and it's been grand. I spent the morning on the terrasse polishing and waxing my table and chairs and I've found a brand new use for Q-Tips. While I was working the Quercy Rail came by close enough to touch and the conductor opened his window to wave and then hollered "Bonjour!" It was an "aha" moment!

 

Me and Thomas Wolfe

 

Back when Dali, Sammie Cat and I came here to clear our heads after Hurricane Katrina so I could make some difficult decisions; I read Thomas Wolfe's "Look Homeward Angel" for the very first time. The meaning of "home" had escaped me living in my flood ravaged house on Columbus Street.

 

 

 

 

 

My Dad said:

"Go to France, Laury."

 

We did.

 

I still struggled with home.

By Christmas of 2006 the decision had been made.

I was in France. Columbus Street was being repaired so I could rent it out and be able to live here in Cadrieu with my Dali Dog and Sammie Cat.

Of course, it wasn't that easy.

As I was reading Thomas Wolfe, he spoke to me.

Fogs cleared. I didn't struggle so much.

 

 

But when I did, I'd found something wonderful that helped me. I won't make you look for it yourself. I'll put Wolfe's last page, last paragraph, right here for you:

 

--Yet, as he stood for the last time by the angels of his father's porch, it seemed as if the Square already were far and lost; or I should say, he was like a man who stands upon a hill above the town he has left, yet does not say "The town is near," but turns his eyes upon the distant soaring ranges.--

THE END

 

When I did struggle, I'd often picture myself upon a high place above a place I'd just left; holding Thomas Wolfe's hand.

Visualizing was usually enough.

But when it wasn't, I had more than enough high, beautiful places to go.

 

 

High or low, holding Thomas's hand or not; the Lot always brought me home.

 

Begin Again

 

 

This is a post to say that I am trying to feel my way with how I want the blog to fit into what truly does feel like a new and different life for me. All of this change has been on the wind.

If I'm totally honest, my first twenty years of here were more about working towards and building to this second twenty years than I ever could have known.

 

 

It is the new book.

 

 

I've made a couple of changes here that are small but feel huge. Huge in the difference that often screams at me.

I am not changing SOAR-DREAM-FRANCE. Doing that rearranges too much with the blog from prior to now. I have, however, removed "Melange-ing France New Orleans Magic," and changed the subtitle to: "Lot River Love Song-The Next Twenty Years!"

I expect these years and this new book to be more here and less the states. It means more France and French.

It means moving forward in this adventure in ways that were just not possible before.

Both of my feet are planted here.

 

 

 

I am even more deliberately putting one foot in front of the other, petit a petit. My feet are where my head and heart have always been, here.

 

 

I am centered, focused, and closely paying attention to the "lots in the Lot!" I am also feeling a senses of freedom, wonder, excitement and some awe, that I'm not totally sure how to put into words at the moment!

 

 

I'm planning on letting go to enjoy this ride of these next twenty years, and marvel at every step along the way. I'm not really sure where it will take me. I'm hoping you'll come along.

 

Loving into the Answers

 

I love taking photos of chairs. There is a lot that I love.

These days, I'm finding myself struggling to settle into a wonderful new life or the "new book" that no longer has the structures, constraints, and musts of old. I am paying attention. I am watching myself. I am feeling my feelings. I am learning a lot more about myself in a whole new way.

What do I want these next twenty years to look like?

The list of what I have given up in the last couple of years is even longer than I had been aware of. Whether it's loss or my own decisions, the reality of the GONE has been an interesting one to ponder. I could go into great detail on each of the "gones" and the impact and changes in my life. Some are huge. Some are more subtle.

 

 

One of the recent ahas for me has been that I no longer need to get onto the laptop every day. Some of that is that I have my SmartPhone and my Fire notebook, that allow me to keep up without full laptop capacity.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Another part of that is that I am no longer "working" in any capacity. Keeping up my social work license and offering workshops meant that there were periods of time when the laptop was attached to my hip.

 

That isn't necessary any more.

 

In that "gone", I have found that there are some days that I don't even want to turn the laptop on.

It feels good. 

That also means, that I'm not blogging as much since I blog from the laptop and not the other devices.

I am also realizing that these days, I prefer to journal than to blog. Putting pen to paper, holding it in my hand, watching the ink travel the page of whatever pretty journal I've chosen to use next; all make it more enjoyable than pounding the keys and fighting computer and program glitches with my photos.

This "gone" is leading me to re-evaluate my blogging.

I don't want to stop completely, but I want to find my way back to loving it like I used to and blending it more naturally into this new life.

 

 

It will come, probably rising out of the space left by one or more of the gones.

 

 

Here's hoping you'll hang with me!

 

Happy Sunday!

 

Much More than Perspective

 

 

Throughout my professional life, I've done more exercises in "perspective" than the law allows. The old tried and true in a workshop is to have a participant stand on a chair that then gives them a "different view." Living in a valley as I do, there are many opportunities for new and different perspective.

Heading over to see Jean-Luc and Odile yesterday morning, it was the first time I drove "Mikey" over for my visit. Usually, I'm on the bus. The freedom I feel is amazing. I told someone that I feel like a teenager again.

What I noticed yesterday, was the huge difference in how I saw and felt the valley and route to Tour de Faure from Mikey.

 

 

I often think about the difference in the view between the bus and cars. Then there is always walking and on bike. All. provide different feelings and experiences of this route and the vallee.

Riding with MIkey took my breath away yesterday. It felt like we were right in the middle of everything and everywhere we passed. Since I know the route well, I enjoyed every minute of it. We were immersed in the valley and this place I love so much. I have never felt this way before in any of my other modes of transportation.

 

Overwhelming feelings of the huge NEW saturated every sense.

How wonderful!

Happy Sunday!

 

Lunch Time Rewards

 

I've been working outside a lot ever since Ava and Nick headed back to the states. It has felt good to get us looking even more beautiful, and the weather has been perfect.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I try to get out early and work until I get tired and/or it gets too hot.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Lately, it's till I get tired because the temps have been just my cup of tea. Only problem is, sometimes I do too much. I need to self-monitor a little better. I am learning!

I was side-lined a while this morning expecting to have a scheduled SKYPE call that didn't materialize.

 

 

 

So, we shall see. There are a couple of small things I'd like to do.

 

I'd gotten so much done yesterday, I made myself a special lunch and went out to eat under the umbrella on the terrace.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Primo wine...

 

 

...orgasmic dessert, pretty plates, apero bread with sundried tomatoes and feta cheese, pasta in a cream sauce with shrimp and scallops, a little spinach artichoke dip on the side, a beet for my health; and, I was in culinary heaven.

 

 

It's hard to beat this quality of life and the satisfaction of projects in progress toward ultimate completion.

 

 

Happy Tuesday!

 

Chock Full Friday Fun

 

 

Friday's voyage to and tour of the Clos Triguedina winery, was an adventure in directions and lessons in more than wine.

It was a beautiful day, after a day of rain. We did well until we diverted from the route we were on and then had to back track. Then we found ourselves circling Puy l'Eveque. We called to say we'd be late and found we were close....so near, but yet so far. Frustration was setting, but Ava discovered we could Google map with her phone and we were off.

 

 

Teamwork prevailed.

 

 

We ended up being thirty minutes late, but were able to join the tour in progress.

A highlight of our "tardiness" for me was realizing that Monsieur Jean-Luc Baldes himself, was exiting the vehicle next to us. Perusing their site and booking the tour, I became familiar with the family photo, and here he was. 

After toilette stops (2.5 hours on the road) and a bit of conversation, Madam Baldes made sure that we got to the tour in progress. I knew it would be in French, but we did pretty well.

It's difficult NOT to be wowed by the beauty, expansiveness, and the realization just what it would take to keep everything going.

 

 

After the tour of the vines we headed inside for our tasting. Our guide, Floriane, was professional, informative, helpful and also charming. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

High tables were ready for two groups-our 3 and the five others in the group who turned out to be from Lyon.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The tour is very reasonable!

 

 

I chose the basic tour for us for lots of reasons-5-euros per person for 45-minutes to an hour tour and then tasting of 3 wines; or at least, that's how it was billed. Instead, we found ourselves tasting way more than three selections. It only gets better from there, since you have the choice of more and longer with the many other tours/experiences on the site.

 

I learned that the Triguedina I've been purchasing on-line is their classic. I knew there were others. I'd had the Prince Probus in the past, but all I'd had were reds.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Here, I was able to try a Chardonnay and a rose that were exceptional. The Prince Probus is now just PROBUS, and it is 100% Malbec grape, where the classic I love is 85%. Floriane described the white as "dry," but it tasted sweet to me. She explained that the sweetness comes from the fruit. 

 

 

I'd decided that I'd treat myself to 2 of the PROBUS and 2 of the Chardonnay. By the time I'd listened to Ava and Nick deciding on what they would order to get a quote for shipment to the states; I threw in the rose too.

Heading back to the car, Floriane carried my box of 5 bottles for me.

 

 

 

Now, I can ponder whether I want to continue to: order from the on-line company; order directly from Clos Triguedina (full selection, but 12 bottles for free delivery); or, maybe Mikey and I will head out on a road trip and pick it up ourselves!

The beautiful countryside and gorgeous "Nelson" just might be enough incentive to make that drive for me.

We Shall See!

 

 

 

Special thanks to Famille Baldes, and Floriane for a memorable experience, BUT...

...Our day didn't end here...next up, a St. Cirq Lapopie wander and lunch at a favorite, Lou Bolat!

 

 

 

 

 

Happy Thursday!

 

Fire Francaise

 

One of my resolutions of being here MORE physically and emotionally, is to work harder on my French in my own time. I am pleased to say that I have taken concrete steps to encourage that continued learning. I treated myself to a brand spanking new dictionary and verb book.

 

 

As with many other items, my dictionary and verb book were in the fire. For the last 5 years, I limped along with my burned, wrinkled, singed, sad, copies. They were still usable and I didn't see any reason to get new, when I didn't know if I would have the money. Everything was so uncertain.

 

 

Now, with the sale of Columbus Street and my full-time residency in France; I was in a spot to treat myself to the new now. I am certain that this will remove another barrier to my studies. Every time I looked at those books, I was sad. Off we go! Sad no more!

Happy Tuesday!