Journaling on the terrace this morning, my heart and mind drifted to feelings and thoughts of Mike (as they frequently do these days). Sometimes I feel his presence carried in on a breeze or a whisper of the leaves on the trees. Others, it's a butterfly who comes to rest beside me and stays much longer than usual. One morning, it was a big red fox who locked eyes with me until I said hello to him. Maybe I should have said "bonjour!"
This morning I was thinking about Mike and (not unlike Mom and Dad) how he was never able to see this place in person while he walked this earth. I have teased, but it's true; many people who I love dearly have never seen this place. At least not until they've crossed over. They do visit me here.
The magic of this place makes it even easier to feel them than usual.
This train took me to, what would it be like in my life, never to have known this place?
That train had another stop to make. What would my life have been like had I never known Mike?
It reminded me of the early 90's when I began to volunteer with the then NO/AIDS Task Force in New Orleans. There was a particularly difficult stretch where everyone was dying. I wasn't sure if I could take the layers of loss anymore. I thought about quitting. I asked myself if I was willing to not know the people at all? It was then that I realized, I wouldn't trade knowing all the wonderful people I'd come to know and love for a million dollars. I stayed.
It's hard for me to answer both questions. First, this place is so much of a part of who I am. I wonder if my friends and family who have been here could answer it any easier for me?
Secondly, Mike quickly made himself an indispensable part of my life. Although we'd been friends on FB for a while through my friendship with John, I'd never met Mike face to face until the night of our International Overalls Party on Columbus Street that November of 2013. John and Mike brought Glenn and Bill with them.
As everyone was leaving at the end of the evening, Mike said I needed to come over and have dinner at their home "Mahogany Oaks" in Covington.
I explained the no car and Mike didn't miss a beat..."John is here for work every day, he can just pick you up and bring you over with him on his way home."
In no time, I was sleeping over at Mahogany Oaks.
One night with a morning departure turned into two with a full day in between, and sometimes Sammie cat would join us.
Even though there is so much more I could share, let's just say that the invite was the start of something big for all of us!
It still is!
With the sale of Columbus and Mike's passing, it's difficult not to feel the holes left behind.
But I can see, those spirits and memories will live on in new and different ways.
Happy Thursday!